Motherhood complexity

A un mes escaso del V Encuentro de las Familias en Valencia, no he querido dejar de sumarme a este acontecimiento (aunque sea en tono de humor.)

A veces las disquisiciones complejas acerca de la familia y su valor pueden resultar poco convincentes para mentes más pragmáticas. Pues para aquellos y aquellas que prefieren motivos más pedestres, quizá esta muestra de la evolución proporcional entre número de hijos y descomplicación vital les resulte útil. (Si son mentes pragmáticas doy por supuesto que dominan el inglés...)

Your Clothes:

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon
as you confirm your pregnancy.

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as
long as possible.

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular
clothes.

Preparing for the Birth:

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that
last time,breathing didn't do a thing.

3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth
month.

The Layette:

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes,
color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly
in the baby's little bureau.

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the
clothes are clean and discard only the ones
with the darkest stains.

3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries:

1st baby: At the first sign of distress
-a whimper, a frown- you pick up the baby.

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her
wails threaten to wake your firstborn.

3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old
how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier:

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the
floor, you put it away until you can go
home and wash and boil it.

2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the
floor, you squirt it off with some juice
from the baby's bottle.

3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt
and pop it back in.

Diapering:

1st baby: You change your baby's diapers
every hour, whether they need it or not.

2nd baby: You change their diaper every
two to three hours,if needed.

3rd baby: You try to change their diaper
before others start to complain about the
smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities:

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics,
Baby Swing,and Baby Story Hour.

2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.

3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket
and the dry cleaner.

Going Out:

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby
with a sitter,you call home five times.

2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door,
you remember to leave a number where you can be
reached.

3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter
to call only if she sees blood.

At Home:

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day
just gazing at the baby.

2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching
to be sure your older child isn't squeezing,
poking, or hitting the baby.

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day
hiding from the children.

Swallowing Coins (a favorite):

1st child: When first child swallows a coin,
you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.

2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you
carefully watch for the coin to pass.

3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you
deduct it from his allowance!